Healing & Aching

by Dale C. Fredrickson

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released December 2, 2016

Composed by Rob Fleming (robflemingmusic@icloud.com)

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Dale C. Fredrickson Denver, Colorado

Dale is a pastor and poet from Denver, Colorado. He aspires, through words, to invigorate the vitality of Christian faith. On his best days, he lives by Samuel Beckett’s motto, “Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” To learn more about Dale check out his website www.dalefredrickson.com ... more

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Track Name: chrysalis
Chrysalis

this forgotten Gospel
that finds us here
this peculiar grace
that gives & takes
quiet me before
this ever-present mystery
that conceals & reveals
quiet me here
this eternal beauty
that frees & tethers
quiet me on this day
this incredulous paradox
that lives & dies
this pain bearing love
the cross is a chrysalis
three in one and one in three
unity that invigorates
this butterfly effect
now soars within souls
this divine life
now sharing striving synergizing
with those who serve and thirst
this peculiar grace
that heals & aches
quiet me forevermore, forevermore
Track Name: not like mine
not like mine

your heart is not like mine
your pulse is the uprising
mine is a flatline
your heart is surprise
mine is compromise
your heart is a drum line
mine throbs with resistance
my heart is perplexed
schizophrenic are the voices
from culture
from critics
from institutions
from family systems
from doubts
from fears
from self ambition
words conflicting
i feel the contradiction
with every pulse
i’m an image bearer and an image breaker
i’m open and closed
i’m abundance and scarcity
in one human body
god, i’m flesh and bones
i’m mind and spirit
i’m excellence and mediocrity
god, i’m so curiously human
and i want to learn your rhythms
but my heart is not like yours
your heart is the sun
the life-giving star
and my heart is neptune
the bleakest planet
days become years
i feel afar
if your pulse is the catalyst,
can you incite my heart?
will you resurrect this life?
you’re the conductor of heartbeat
you compose every note
you tune me to the kingdom’s cadence
i want to learn your rhythms
your melodies are horizontal and vertical
you’re divinity and you’re humanity
your cross beat resonates
and i’m beginning to hear
you became what i am
so i can share in who you are
eternity and humanity
your cross is solidarity
your resurrection quickens me
i want to learn your rhythms
teach me to sing your psalms
excite me to create and not consume
challenge my self-serving tendencies
move me to forgive to love to serve
convert my complacency
with your inspiring harmonies
accent my heart with grace peace
compassionate creativity
your anthem is reconciliation
your music is medicine
your melody is sanctuary
now play within me
play within me
Track Name: busted tambourine
busted tambourine

my god, my god
why have you forsaken me?

i’m a busted tambourine
a banjo with broken strings
a cacophonous symphony
i’m a wallflower with two left feet

my god, my god
i’m a professional auctioneer
my voice is hoarse
from my urgent prattling

do you hear me?
can you help me?
will you heal me?

you don’t raise your hand
your inattention is baffling
your silence unsettling

my cry for help is routine
rhythmic pattern that
swells again and again

do you love me?
do you love me?
do you love me?

don’t you see i’m suffering?

my god, my god
i’m the orphan
can’t you feel my pulse?
sighs of neglected nurture
silences of love misshapen
cries from wounds that will not heal

your eyes look away
you pay no attention
your unconcern unnerves me

my god, my god
why have you forsaken me?
i’m a refugee
my body is here but
my heart is buried
i’ve been uprooted and
anxious fears grip me
these pains won’t let go
my bones are bending
i can’t stand this aching
will you do nothing while everything is breaking?
will you do nothing while everything is breaking?

how does your heart not break?

eloi, eloi,
lama sabachthani
my god, my god
why have you forsaken me?

my protest is prayer
my heart’s a bruise
who can fix this dusty tambourine?
who can make this banjo resound again?
is there any bounce for my two left feet?
i thought you were the one who turns chaos into grace and beauty?
am I wrong that you promised never to leave?
why even speak of a love that could heal everything?

my prayer is protest
my cry reverberates
from David in Jerusalem
to Jesus on Calvary
everyone who’s felt offbeat
my god, my god
why have you forsaken me?
Track Name: my heart's ignition
my heart’s ignition

spirit of god,
you’re opening scene
origin of breath
giver of life
strength for flesh

spirit of god,
you’re wind
shaping mountains
swirling waves
carving out change

spirit of god,
you’re fire
snapping through soul
purifying heart
making whole

spirit of god,
you’re water
splashing with life
pouring out salvation
spilling over
squelching strife

spirit of god,
you’re a cloud
mysterious guide of faith
towering billow of hope
thick refuge of love

spirit of god,
you’re a dove
wings carrying hope
landing beside soul
singing the words,
my beloved

come spirit, come boldly
wake my weary life
come as wind shaper
fire starter
water fountain
calling dove
guiding cloud

come spirit, come swiftly!
create in me again, again.
create in me again

you are my helper
my advocate
my steadfast life-breath
my catalyst and sacrament
my heart’s ignition

you are my ruach
my life-energy
my heart’s victorious
i’m a mountain
i’m a wave
i’m human
i’m brave

spirit of god,
wind fire water cloud dove
you’re inspiring breath
and mysterious friend
Track Name: half true
half true

forgive me God
for my assumptions about you
there's so much i don't know
forgive me
when i make you look like me
it's scary admitting i don't know

stir me
as i
lift my voice
cry out
name doubt
return to you

don't stop
my heart is only half true

trouble me Lord
because i know
my ways
are not
your ways
but in your ways
i'd like to grow

lead me beyond
familiarities
complacency
convenience
narrow-mindedness

because i know
your ways
are not
my ways

grace me God
as i
search
run after
inquire
look high and low
pursuing you

forgive me God
for my assumptions about you
there's so much i don't know
plant my life
in the garden of Gethsemane
grow me
in the soil of death and life
your ways and not mine
i don’t want to fall asleep again
i don’t want to fall asleep again