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Healing & Aching

by Dale Carl Fredrickson

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1.
chrysalis 02:44
Chrysalis this forgotten Gospel that finds us here this peculiar grace that gives & takes quiet me before this ever-present mystery that conceals & reveals quiet me here this eternal beauty that frees & tethers quiet me on this day this incredulous paradox that lives & dies this pain bearing love the cross is a chrysalis three in one and one in three unity that invigorates this butterfly effect now soars within souls this divine life now sharing striving synergizing with those who serve and thirst this peculiar grace that heals & aches quiet me forevermore, forevermore
2.
not like mine your heart is not like mine your pulse is the uprising mine is a flatline your heart is surprise mine is compromise your heart is a drum line mine throbs with resistance my heart is perplexed schizophrenic are the voices from culture from critics from institutions from family systems from doubts from fears from self ambition words conflicting i feel the contradiction with every pulse i’m an image bearer and an image breaker i’m open and closed i’m abundance and scarcity in one human body god, i’m flesh and bones i’m mind and spirit i’m excellence and mediocrity god, i’m so curiously human and i want to learn your rhythms but my heart is not like yours your heart is the sun the life-giving star and my heart is neptune the bleakest planet days become years i feel afar if your pulse is the catalyst, can you incite my heart? will you resurrect this life? you’re the conductor of heartbeat you compose every note you tune me to the kingdom’s cadence i want to learn your rhythms your melodies are horizontal and vertical you’re divinity and you’re humanity your cross beat resonates and i’m beginning to hear you became what i am so i can share in who you are eternity and humanity your cross is solidarity your resurrection quickens me i want to learn your rhythms teach me to sing your psalms excite me to create and not consume challenge my self-serving tendencies move me to forgive to love to serve convert my complacency with your inspiring harmonies accent my heart with grace peace compassionate creativity your anthem is reconciliation your music is medicine your melody is sanctuary now play within me play within me
3.
busted tambourine my god, my god why have you forsaken me? i’m a busted tambourine a banjo with broken strings a cacophonous symphony i’m a wallflower with two left feet my god, my god i’m a professional auctioneer my voice is hoarse from my urgent prattling do you hear me? can you help me? will you heal me? you don’t raise your hand your inattention is baffling your silence unsettling my cry for help is routine rhythmic pattern that swells again and again do you love me? do you love me? do you love me? don’t you see i’m suffering? my god, my god i’m the orphan can’t you feel my pulse? sighs of neglected nurture silences of love misshapen cries from wounds that will not heal your eyes look away you pay no attention your unconcern unnerves me my god, my god why have you forsaken me? i’m a refugee my body is here but my heart is buried i’ve been uprooted and anxious fears grip me these pains won’t let go my bones are bending i can’t stand this aching will you do nothing while everything is breaking? will you do nothing while everything is breaking? how does your heart not break? eloi, eloi, lama sabachthani my god, my god why have you forsaken me? my protest is prayer my heart’s a bruise who can fix this dusty tambourine? who can make this banjo resound again? is there any bounce for my two left feet? i thought you were the one who turns chaos into grace and beauty? am I wrong that you promised never to leave? why even speak of a love that could heal everything? my prayer is protest my cry reverberates from David in Jerusalem to Jesus on Calvary everyone who’s felt offbeat my god, my god why have you forsaken me?
4.
my heart’s ignition spirit of god, you’re opening scene origin of breath giver of life strength for flesh spirit of god, you’re wind shaping mountains swirling waves carving out change spirit of god, you’re fire snapping through soul purifying heart making whole spirit of god, you’re water splashing with life pouring out salvation spilling over squelching strife spirit of god, you’re a cloud mysterious guide of faith towering billow of hope thick refuge of love spirit of god, you’re a dove wings carrying hope landing beside soul singing the words, my beloved come spirit, come boldly wake my weary life come as wind shaper fire starter water fountain calling dove guiding cloud come spirit, come swiftly! create in me again, again. create in me again you are my helper my advocate my steadfast life-breath my catalyst and sacrament my heart’s ignition you are my ruach my life-energy my heart’s victorious i’m a mountain i’m a wave i’m human i’m brave spirit of god, wind fire water cloud dove you’re inspiring breath and mysterious friend
5.
half true 02:54
half true forgive me God for my assumptions about you there's so much i don't know forgive me when i make you look like me it's scary admitting i don't know stir me as i lift my voice cry out name doubt return to you don't stop my heart is only half true trouble me Lord because i know my ways are not your ways but in your ways i'd like to grow lead me beyond familiarities complacency convenience narrow-mindedness because i know your ways are not my ways grace me God as i search run after inquire look high and low pursuing you forgive me God for my assumptions about you there's so much i don't know plant my life in the garden of Gethsemane grow me in the soil of death and life your ways and not mine i don’t want to fall asleep again i don’t want to fall asleep again
6.

credits

released December 2, 2016

Composed by Rob Fleming (robflemingmusic@icloud.com)

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Dale Carl Fredrickson Denver, Colorado

Dale is a poet from Denver, Colorado. He’d like to inspire the entire world but finds that inspiring himself and his family and friends is work enough. He writes and speaks about beauty and misery and his favorite story is the one about how love surprises us in the end. He fails a lot. On his best days, he lives by Samuel Beckett’s motto, “Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” ... more

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